It's been almost five years since I actively posted (with the exception of one relapse in 2016).What better way to break the silence than with a book review?

If You Did What I Asked in the First Place, Lori B. Duff’s latest collection of hysterical essays, launched 10/15/19 and readers around the nation rejoiced. Lori, in addition to her primary full time job parenting two high maintenance teens (aren’t they all?), is a working lawyer and judge, an award winning newspaper columnist (“Legalese,” news.monroelocal.org), stand-up comedian (“Atlanta’s Funniest Lawyer), and the Erma Zone’s* (un)official and only (till now) reviewer of books written by same. While she freely admits she’s not shy, in general or in particular— #ShamelessSelfPromotion pops up frequently— it’s too much to ask that she review her own book.

She asserts in her opening essay, “I Am Wonder Woman,” that she is, in fact, Wonder Woman and we wonder where she came from. She is fearless facing the inescapable: pee on public toilet seats (“Bathroom Etiquette”), snot (“Pollen Season”), inadequate pockets (“Men, Women and the Functionality of Pockets”), being a klutz (“Middle School Bathroom Ballet”) and her inability to pass up any opportunity to embarrass her kids. She trades in that bustier’d, cinch-belted, one piece bathing suit some man thought would make a nice outfit to save the world in, for— check this out— a practical and cozy Wonder Woman onesie she finds at WalMart— In. Her. Size. She wears it to pick up her son and daughter at their respective schools, and while she’s parked waiting for them, she posts selfies of herself thus attired to both kids’ social media sites. Who, but Wonder Woman, would do that? Your Honor, I rest my case.

You can read these essays to laugh out loud, which— guaranteed— you will. You can read them as a writer to appreciate her complete mastery of the humor essay form. Lastly, you can read these tasty treats for their nutritional value, but don’t hold that against them. The core truths they convey never get stale. Being kind and decent have always been, and will always be, the true north of a satisfying and well-lived life. Being a woman in this country is like sleeping in an overheated room without a thermostat, in a tight, underwire bra you can never take off. Mothering, from conception onward, is an impossibly sweet torture you would never, ever, exchange for… anything. You’ll never convince me women are the weaker sex. Lori Duff is the uber-Wonder Woman. She speaks for all of us. By the way, does that onesie have pockets?

*Erma Zone: The group space occupied by those who have attended at least one Erma Bombeck Humor Writers’ Workshop.