Dedicated to Cousin Sammy— Excuse me, Doctor Sam— and the rest of you fresh-faced med-school grads staring down the dark gun-barrel of residency training. This too shall pass.

Thank you for dedicating your lives to the health of others. It’s good work: necessary, essential, and challenging. Don’t forget to take care of your own! Without you, we’re screwed.

Dr. D’s Residency Survival Guide

Keep in white-coat pocket. Consult p.r.n.

Never miss an opportunity to:

eat
drink water
answer Nature’s call
sleep
laugh

Never believe:

“This will only take a minute.”
“This is an easy one.”

Never make your senior resident/attending look bad.

Be warned:

The longer you stay, the longer you stay.
If you ask a question, the attending will say, “Why don’t you look that up and tell us about it at rounds tomorrow.”
Better an irritated higher-up than a dead patient.

Help out. Those who return the favor, keep close.

Be friendly and courteous to everyone. Allies hide in full view.

Trust your gut.

When in doubt, take your own pulse.