What I Learned from Giving my Ice Breaker Speech to my Local Toastmasters Club

Finally, after practicing for days giving my speech from memory—before my friend Joan; between clients; while on hold as my tech genius figured out what was wrong with my office computer; at home cooking dinner and after, doing the dishes; as I applied lipstick in the rearview mirror, and drove to the public library where the Toastmasters meeting was happening—finally, I was standing before the camera (it was a hybrid meeting) and my fellow Toastmasters, ready (as I’d ever be) to give my speech.

Toastmasters is a highly structured educational organization that teaches public speaking and leadership skills through an international network of clubs. I had joined my local club a month before, after attending several Zoom meetings as a guest. Tonight, I was giving my first speech—the Ice Breaker—as a new member. While Madame Toastmaster welcomed me as the first speaker of the evening, I took off my mask and took one last sip of water from my water bottle. When she finished, I gazed into the eye of the camera, and began.

I delivered the first joke, and the second. With the third, I happened to look up at the projected zoom screen and caught the most forceful and opinionated member of the club cracking up, his eyes twinkling and crinkling. I almost stumbled but didn’t, plowing on. Approaching the finish, I spoke my closing lines with a smile of relief: Thank you for your time. I swept my right arm, open handed, toward the screen: Back to you Madame Toastmaster.

The room clapped. I sat down next to my friend Leslie, who had come with me out of curiosity, and to give me moral support. As I put my mask back on, she leaned in and whispered, “That was great! You could speak louder though.” Dang. Joan had said the same thing the day before. The Evaluator stepped before the camera and gave me feedback from the Toastmaster rubric, “Well done! You could speak louder though.”

The meeting continued. I was glad when it adjourned. All I wanted was to go home, get horizontal and read my book. In the morning, there was an email from the VP of Education: “Wonderful speech! You could speak a little louder though.”

That made four people saying the same thing. If two points made a line, four was a drawing of an arrow pointing at my throat. The throat chakra, according to Buddhist practitioners, channels the energy of communication, emotion and creativity. If it’s blocked, your ability to honestly express your thoughts will be affected. Point of self-awareness: I hold back in front of people I don’t know.

I had to laugh at the irony. My friends and family are always telling me to dial it down! In fact, I get affectionately teased so often, I’ve made my blog tagline Always happy to spout off. But here’s the thing: I know my friends and family—I feel safe with them. Well, I’ll know my fellow local Toastmasters soon enough, and then…watch out!

I don’t need a crystal ball to see what comes after. As soon as I’m comfortable spouting off before my local club, one of the higher-ups will kindly suggest I challenge myself by speaking before other clubs, where everyone will be a stranger. I’ll have to work through the anxiety again. And again. Why did I join Toastmasters anyway? To overcome my fear of public speaking. Right. Be brave, Little Piglet, whispers my inner Winnie the Pooh, Be brave.