ABOUT GETAGRIP!

Fiendish Products You Can Only Imagine 

Friends,  Here at GetaGrip! we feel strongly that goofing off, sleeping, staring vacuously into space, and lounging on The Couch with some bonbons, bubbly and an amusing companion are a much better use of time than returning phone calls, cleaning up after the dog, or going for invasive medical procedures.

If you’ve ordered from us before, you know our unheard of products improve the quality of your life beyond your wildest dreams. And if you haven’t, let us assure you they are so fabulous (if we do say so ourselves), shameless groveling, extortion, embezzlement and/or identity theft wouldn't be too low to go to obtain even one.

If you call, our patented Leave-Me-Alone voice mail system will take care of you. 

We are still backordered for our most popular product ever, The Wife. Don't delay! Order today! The longer you wait, the longer you'll wait!

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Payment options: We accept gold bullion only. We do not ship. Hand-deliver your payment. Walk out with a dream. It's that easy.    

Find us:  Somewhere over the rainbow located nearest you.

Customer Service:  Get a grip.

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GetaGrip! 

America's Most Unbelievable Catalog

 Offering The Stuff of Dreams 

HOLIDAY 2012

 

Saturday
Dec102011

The Kook! 

The humor eReader that trawls cyber space for the latest in the loony, the goofy and the downright hilarious! Whatever your sense of humor, from slapstick to deadpan dry, you will get the giggles — Guaranteed! — dipping into this must-have, side-splitting smorgasborg of drollery.  Snicker up your sleeve with like-minded mockers of fake holiday cheer. Groan over bad (or great!) puns. Laugh like a hyena at the antics of Darwin Award winners. Snort over mangled clichés. All the world’s a bozo riding this bus! Warning: May be habit forming. TKK

Saturday
Dec102011

The Embarrassment Monitor

This device automatically alerts you to toilet paper stuck to your shoe heel, skirt rucked up at the back in your pantyhose, spinach in your teeth, booger poised on the edge of a nostril and other social gaffs horrifying to the well mannered. 

Similar to NASA technology that monitors astronauts in space, the device’s sensor picks up other people’s mortification on your behalf by tracking the rate at which their eyes flick away from the scene of the crime, along with the hyperventilation, sweating and fidgeting associated with figuring out how to tell you. Save them and yourself.

About the size of a USB flash drive, the Embarrassment Monitor clips to a belt, pocket or keychain. Comes with its own charging station. Operates for 10 days after a 2-hour charge. Don’t leave home without it! TEM

Saturday
Dec032011

Translator USB Braid

Weave our beyond neurologically clever USB cable doubling as a braid into your hair, plug the cable end into your smart phone, iPad or computer, and— Voila! You and your digital gadget now speak the same language! Directly download commands and thoughts. Or conversely, upload data straight to your brain. If you’re cyber-impaired, catch up to the 21st century without the learning curve! If you’re an IT brainiac—  What more can we say? Waterproof. Specify PC or Mac.

 TUB – Rapunzel  

 TUB – Rasta

Upgrade to mind reading! with the Translator USB Brain Extension Cable. This extension cable has female plug-ins on both ends to match the male cable end of the Translator USB Braid. You and your beloved (or friend, colleague, enemy, whomever) can plug in and— mind meld! Eyes windows of the soul? Not any more! Patent pending. Not field tested. Contract indemnifying Getagrip! of all legal consequences resulting from use of product must be signed prior to purchase. TUB-EC. Specify PC or Mac.

ORIGINAL SKETCHES by The Whistler

Saturday
Dec032011

Poetry In Motion

Want the boneless slink of a belly dancer?  The limber hands of a concert pianist? The effortless grace of a tai-chi master? Chug-a-lug a dose of this elixir hand-crafted by our diligent R & D elves, start your workout and mere minutes later— Presto! Change-o!— Enjoy muscle control down to the fascicular bundles. Co-ordination! Balance! Strength! On demand. You may not look like a Venus or Apollo, but you’ll move like one. For a few hours anyway.  For adults only. Proof of age required for purchase. Sold by body weight.

75 – 125 lbs: PIM-Squirt

125 – 175 lbs: PIM-Regular

175 – 225 lbs: PIM-Big

 225 – 300 lbs: PIM-Wide Load

Sunday
Nov272011

Cup-Of-Sociopath Soup

Does dealing with people leave you feeling like a drained battery? Does twisting into a pretzel making nice give you a pain in the neck? Does “No good deed goes unpunished.” sing to you? Well, chill out, baby. Have a Cup-Of-Sociopath for lunch today. 

It’s just what the doctor won’t order.  Add water, nuke, get yourself outside these diabolical instant noodles and Poof! You are now very cool, if not icy. Avoid conflict? Why?  Nice?  What’s that?  One look in your eyes, people will scatter. Life is simple when you don’t give a rat’s ass.  Take a mini-vacation between lunch and dinner from the hell of being a caring human being.

Cup-Of-Sociopath. Only 250 calories per serving. (And if you believe that...) Comes in unidentifiable six-packs.  

COS. Specify flavor: Heister, Hypocrite, Black Widow, Rumor Mongering Pot Stirrer, Parasite, Passive Victim Of Circumstance, and Variety Pack (contains one of each).